Monthly Archive: July 2014

F#$# I$

It’s funny how in life you worry about something and years later realize that it was all really going to be ok. That you were moving in a direction and that things were going to be fine. That the time could have been put to better use but you make it through and then it’s something else that appears up ahead on the road. What are we all chasing? I’m trying to figure that out. For the moment I have to enjoy myself. My children are happy, I have a job and health insurance and a great wife. It could be worse. I use to worry a lot and I still do sometimes but now I feel different about it. I have to live with it. I don’t stress out like I use to. I do know from dealing with different people that you can be confident but insecure and egotistical and insecure and that large ego types don’t like to be ignored. That knowing people sometimes is like adding up numbers and after a while when you look at the balance sheet you realize that the sum total doesn’t look good.
From Japan looking back towards home I have realized so much. There is always more that you want but there a lot more that I know I don’t want. People are suffering for reason that are based upon pure greed and narcism. I can’t go for that anymore that Daryl Hall and John Oates. So success can be what makes you happy or what satisfies you everyday so that you can get up every morning and do your job and support yourself knowing that things will get better, like having faith in God. Things can always get better.
The casa is getting closer to completion. I never thought it would happen this way. I always imagined myself getting a house in the U.S. and living there with my family but maybe I’ll start here. Maybe we all get what we want but not always in the way we thought it would be. There are things that we are chasing and it destroys us a little bit at a time. You think you know someone well, like a family member but when they die you realize what their life was really like. You find people wanting to be friends with you on Facebook because they are now middle-aged and a little bit lonely. Bullies look older and less frightening. Ex-girlfriends or boyfriends don’t look as appealing or as steadfast and maybe you realize you were right all along because you stuck to your path despite setbacks and you can feel that in a way you won part some small victory like your favorite heroes on old-school Saturday morning cartoons. IMG_2825