Monthly Archive: February 2015

Where Was I?

Sometimes it’s hard to write. I procrastinate. I finished a book but it’s in Lulu limbo now. I have to finishing editing it. I get sidetracked by life. Things are moving fast but they appear to be moving so slow.
After five years, I’m still here in Japan living outside of Tokyo. People here, appear to have no patience. They don’t want to wait and act as if they can walk through anything like phantoms. It’s impossible to understand. I ride my bike and I don’t drive. My kids are in school and seem happy but sometimes I look lost. I have a job and what I need. Nobody outside is waiting to mug me or shoot me with an Ak-47. Now it’s winter time and I miss the sun. Socially I’m bored. This is life. Its up to me. I’m back on Facebook after three months away but it’s not the same. I’m not the same. Where am I going? I don’t know. I need something more. I think it was a good idea to come here but sometimes I want to go home. This summer I will. Usually I’m a little scared. I went home not to long ago to see my grandmother. She was a vegetable in a hospice. It made me mad and sad. Dying is hard sometimes because people want to keep you around. I don’t want to go out like that. I want to live but when it’s my time, let me die. At the moment the world is fucked up, it could be worse, it could be better. Japan, isn’t happening. I’m not happening. I’m a father. That’s the good part. Maybe it’s good to be at this point. I can’t go back in time, we all want to. Usually there is something that has to be done. I have a lot to do. In the mean time, I’m trying to write it all down. I teach a lot but sometimes I want to jump out of a window and see if I can fly. It’s not possible. I try my best. At times there is no conversation at all, just little quips and jokes about things. A friend is moving back to his country. He’s finished his tour but my mine is just beginning. The house is finished and we play house. Sometimes it’s fun. Sometimes it’s not. What is friendship? I don’t really know but then I have to ask myself what is a friend. I can’t worry about it. I know more about who I am now and some of the little parts of me, like Ghana and Quakers and DNA.
Where was I?