Monthly Archive: March 2016

What now?

It’s funny or it isn’t how you can have a family but still feel alone. An email from the states said someone read my resume and they want me to apply for a job. Should I go home? It’s tempting. At the moment it feels like I’m divorced. I’m here economically and paternally for my sons. What a way to spend spring vacation. It could be worse. Finally it stopped raining and I can go out and ride my bike but it’s still cold. My wife is colder, I love her but we’ve changed. How dumb a statement could that be when nothing stays the same. Nothing is easy in life. Look at the U.S. I love home but this is the first time in a while when I felt so scared to be an American. This election looks so fucked up, Trump is a racist asshole and Hillary and Bernie are boring.
It looks like the end but more exciting in Japan where people just seem to be moving increasingly more faster. I came to this realization that Americans are violent and Japanese are rude.
Which is worse?
Maybe I should take the job. I’ll miss my kids. I already took off once just to go home and see my dad who recovering from a back surgery but is about to have another surgery. Medical loves him. I can’t watch or wait anymore. That’s why I take care of myself physically but mentally it’s a lot harder. My bicycle can’t do everything. How many movies can I watch on Amazon? I could think of worse behavior like paying for storage. There’s things I can’t say on Facebook. People say pictures say a thousand words but some of that is caca because pictures don’t tell it all.
My tongue get’s stuck sometimes when I really want to say something to someone and I realize I didn’t do it. The one good thing to come out of all of this is that I’m writing some poetry everyday but I’m not back to where I was creatively so long ago. I’me so distracted by the internet. I need something else. Children are great. They give me inspiration but I have to know when something is not my fault, whether its external or internal. All I know is that I’m tired of fighting with my wife. Being with her sometimes is like watching someone float down a river on a boat and they tell you to try and jump on their boat and once you land on it they tell you to jump off. She lives life like she rides her bicycle she just takes off and you have to follow her or just find your own way to where ever we were suppose to be going in the first place.
What now?