Monthly Archive: February 2018

Going Nowhere Fast

Once again I’m changing jobs but the constant in my life is cycling. This latest offer may mean less riding than I’ve grown accustomed too but that it will make cycling all the more precious to me. It seems that anything is possible.
My road bike is in the shop because my fulcrum rear tire is being rebuilt with a steel free hub instead of the aluminum. Apparently my wheel was previously built with errors but I didn’t ask so many questions. I love the wheels and I’m patient.
For now I ride the commuter to work and everywhere else and things seem to be going fine. Facing this moment of uncertainty there is not much else I can do. Changing jobs can be tough but lately I’ve been feeling upbeat. After working at one school for 7 years and leaving, it was a major break, then I got a new job and

politically it was more than I bargained for and so I move forward as always on two wheels. Anxiously I wait for my road bike to be repaired so that I can take it out but it seems to be taking so much time but so has everything else in my life.

Like a lot of people, I came to cycling late in life but once it grabbed me I embraced it and I’ve never felt better in my life. I’ve never felt more confident. I’m glad that it happened and I’ll never be the same again. I can wonder why I didn’t do this type of cycling before but that would only create more problems in my mind and I already over analyze things too much. I love cycling and it has helped me out so much. I only wish teaching gave me as much pleasure sometimes but it could always be worse and it could definitely always be better. At the end of the day or the beginning the only things there is to do is ride. It is where you find out so much about yourself.

State of confusion

I cant ride my bike. Influenza Type B has morphed into a cold from hell. It is nice to have a break from my job but work is piling up.
It’s cold outside, rainy and looking out the window it is snowing again.
I’ve reached this state of uncertainty. It seems or feels that success has eluded me. I’m fortunate to have two great kids and a nice place to live and a skeptical wife.
Here in Japan I have become Ellison’s invisible man and my runny, stuffy nose would make Gogol happy.
Despair has met me this winter. Hope has returned in the motivation to write, sitting here in the attic of my house. Words beckon me. What is my purpose in this life? The answer always turns again to writing. When will the masterpiece appear to free me from this storm?
Winter, earlier was fun, back home on holiday, but back here in Japan I feel some dread. No matter, I have to keep writing. In the end only my words may remain.
I miss the open road. I miss peddaling through the streets. It was freedom but it may not return again as I once knew it. Only a great opportunity could keep me here.
My marriage has turned into the Grand Canyon. We are so distant. Now I feel I could walk away and not feel sadness. Holding it in for so long like I was playing a song over and over. Words.
Some how our conversation turns into such a confusing mess, why did we even try to communicate?
Maybe it’s better this way. I’m not sure it just feels like it.
Is this some cruel joke she is playing, it feels like the end new user spam flooding my inbox from my WordPress blog. When will they leave me alone? When will she love me again?