State of confusion

I cant ride my bike. Influenza Type B has morphed into a cold from hell. It is nice to have a break from my job but work is piling up.
It’s cold outside, rainy and looking out the window it is snowing again.
I’ve reached this state of uncertainty. It seems or feels that success has eluded me. I’m fortunate to have two great kids and a nice place to live and a skeptical wife.
Here in Japan I have become Ellison’s invisible man and my runny, stuffy nose would make Gogol happy.
Despair has met me this winter. Hope has returned in the motivation to write, sitting here in the attic of my house. Words beckon me. What is my purpose in this life? The answer always turns again to writing. When will the masterpiece appear to free me from this storm?
Winter, earlier was fun, back home on holiday, but back here in Japan I feel some dread. No matter, I have to keep writing. In the end only my words may remain.
I miss the open road. I miss peddaling through the streets. It was freedom but it may not return again as I once knew it. Only a great opportunity could keep me here.
My marriage has turned into the Grand Canyon. We are so distant. Now I feel I could walk away and not feel sadness. Holding it in for so long like I was playing a song over and over. Words.
Some how our conversation turns into such a confusing mess, why did we even try to communicate?
Maybe it’s better this way. I’m not sure it just feels like it.
Is this some cruel joke she is playing, it feels like the end new user spam flooding my inbox from my WordPress blog. When will they leave me alone? When will she love me again?

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