It’s good to be on the ground after 8 hours of turbulence. Japan was great and I met with my cycling friends and we explored Chiba Prefecture by bicycle. It was an adventure but one that was well worth the trouble and cold.
I don’t get to ride with those friends often and so when we do it’s fun and we have to go all out. I have to train more that’s for sure because they were ready. I had too big a crank but I made up for it when I could. The tunnel we sought were great and work the effort to find.
Family had brought me home and it also felt good and I could sense a new change in all of us but I had to write too. Sometimes you need a break and to rebuild bonds with those people that are the most close to you and it felt good.
Now that I’m home it’s like I have been traveling through time but I’m making the most of it. It’s all I can do. With this new mature is a new form of understanding that comes from surviving and living up to this point. I appreciate what I have though there is always more promising myself to make the most of the moment. If I don’t then that’s it. I should know now. We all should if we care. As always I want peace. I want any sort of brutality to end and obviously we have a ways to go.
What’s next? I don’t really know. It was tough past year. I got hit by a car but I survived for that I’m grateful. I went back to church to build my faith. On the road when cycling you think about a lot of things you could have and would have done but cycling always keeps you in the moment and so you keep on going. I left one job but fell into another. I got a fellowship for linguistics research but nothing comes easy but again I’m grateful to be alive and have the opportunity. We get a lot of them but are ever prepared when they arrive. It’s different this time around and things do move in circular orbit and when they return what will you do? How will you respond? I’ve gotten better at it but I still have a long way to go. The lesson to be learned is to make the most of the moment with the people that matter most to you. Like now back in Japan for years and we’ve all grown and made a lot of progress and again opportunities have presented themselves. I can’t complain. Some people don’t have shit. I. could have zero, so I have to make the most of what I have and not what I want. But it never hursts to ask and sometimes I do and maybe I should ask more. Something don’t change but we always can and we have to learn to treat ourselves better and some of us already know that but I had to learn to do it and I feel I’m all the better for it.
I haven’t been writing as much as I should. Some of that was just do to the graduate school which is a huge responsibility as well as a huge challenge. But I’m in good hands and mentorship. It wasn’t always so but I have to worry about what is in front of me and I feel better. Cycling changed my life and I really appreciate all of the help and people I’ve met in the whole process. Some people will never understand but all I can say is that I tired and some will try and make you feel bad about trying but then well they are what they are and now I can say happily that I can see better. It feel great!
It was an awesome trip. I reconnected with my family and my past. Which is sometimes a matter of perspective but I gave it my best, but in the end if it matters it will happen if not then you just keep going but I tried. I’m not hiding and if people want to find me they can and in this era if someone really doesn’t want to communicate with you then you know it. Yet, you have to listen to people and respect their boundaries as much as you need to protect your own.
When things get tough I figure it all out on a bike ride. Which brought me to all of these realizations about what to do with all these feeling and whatever they maybe called. In the end we have to decide what to make of your memories and then there is now. On a bike there is now, and you have to be in the moment. Which is good things for me because of my need to analyze things so much.
These are tough times and with a world that seems to be going crazy all the time, you have to work hard on yourself so you can be sane but also help others. My spirituality is important too and that’s been a game changer. We all need someone to talk to but also we have to have positive conversations with ourselves. Lately I’ve been thinking about how I published my book. I feel good about it but honestly it was rushed and I need a reprint but I completed another novel and it’s been a struggle to get it published. I have more than novels but it’s just a heavy weight but I’m committed like I am to cycling. I have to keep going. So many things give me inspiration and I’m grateful. While I’m alive I have to do what I can. Do what I was destined to do. If I don’t believe in it nobody else will and also ride my bike.
I have no doubt that cycling has changed my life. It has filled a gap that existed in may heart for a long time. The sense of freedom and independence that I feel inside. It have to be free and cycling fills the need.
Great cycling rides can be found in Tochigi Prefecture, Japan A friend whom call my bicycle Jedi organized a hill climb. Lately I hadn’t been cycling and so I felt out of shape. When I had first arrived in Japan for the summer I had been shredding hard. The weather was hot and humid and rainy and I was also having my families bikes overhauled because all of their bicycles were being overhauled.
While we had down time we played hard in the ocean. I started off strong on the Arakawa river and felt new challenges from the time trial riders going so fast. But I put on my own speed and did what I could. It’s important for me to ride as much as I can, like a lot of cyclist know they should. Getting up extra early would have helped but I didn’t do that except maybe twice. Sometimes that’s what it takes.
Nikko is a beautiful area of Japan, complete with amazing lakes and forests. It’s one of the best natural parts of Japan. For cyclists it’s a climbers paradise. There are so many hairpin turns and switchback, I thought I would never make it up the mountain.
So, back on the climbing it was hard plus my road bike has a big crank 54-39 and an 11-28 cassette on the rear. I had some trouble shifting half way up and all the heat and humidity tore me apart. Also, I realized needed more fuel. It was combination of things. So, I saw my friends fly up the hill. They were like rabbits and I was like a turtle.
On the descent I was relentless, passing car that felt was in the way, as I took the hairpin switch back turns as fast as I could. It was exhilarating and exciting and my friend was taking his time filming part of it.
In the middles some good traditional Japanese food. Originally we were we were looking for Nikko Coffee but it was closed.
These are really challenging times and many of us have lost someone to the pandemic, or jobs or friends or worse. We are desperately trying to hold on to whatever we have and it can feel like an impossible task. But we have to keep going and not give up hope on our dreams and aspirations. If there is something you want to do, you have to go for it and trust yourself. Some people are so greedy and they’ll take it all, try and rewrite history as if you don’t remember what happened, tell you to watch out for someone but they also have a knife and none of it is real and so you have to jump out of a window just to escape all of the turmoil and anguish. When you do, you feel free and it’s probably better to not look back but just know that’s not what you want. I’m not hiding but if I’m not included well then good, maybe it’s not for me, it seems at this stage everyone is entrenched and self centered in their meta verse and well I have to create my own. At times people sometimes misinterpret our intentions but maybe they weren’t clear enough but sometimes the reactions tell us that maybe it was better not lifting up the rock to see what was underneath but I’m not hiding and well I’ll just leave it alone and let it all go out the window. I don’t want to be set up and definitely not let down.
Right now it feels good to be back in Japan and with my family. I upgraded my commuter bike to a road bike but it’s the rainy season and so I haven’t been able to do much cycling. When I did, it was a dream, especially after having my bike overhauled.
I’m a person that is often attached to things. It has taken me a long time to let go of things but like we all have been told, heard or read it’s important. The novel I self published was a part of that process. It’s good to be persistent but sometimes we can get lost. I try hard with people but the response says it all. If it’s good then great, if it’s not then it’s time to respect the boundaries and leave it alone. It has taken me a long time to realize this but it’s something I had to do. Having good communication is important and then you can get the cooperation you need. Another lesson learned is not being attached or expecting some sort of outcome but just being present when dealing with the situations. All of these things take practice like when you meditate.
I have a second novel that I’m trying to publish but it’s going slow but in the mean time I have to keep writing. With one more semester of school to go I’m excited at the possibilities of a career change and more.
Cycling has helped me gain a new confidence, make new friends and see the world in a more intimate way. I had to distance myself from people in order to see more clearly because the respect I was expecting wasn’t there or maybe I was too tolerant of their transgressions. From a distance I understood that some people are running away from something and others towards something, while some are just getting lost.
At the moment things are good. I have what I need but now what I want. That takes hard work and so I put in the time and practice to make the necessary improvements and move forward with life. With all of the breakdowns have come some profound breakthroughs and though it was painful I feel now that it created me a lot of opportunities. I can’t chase people anymore and I know my value and so I feel more secure in my purpose of life. There is still a long way to go on this journey but I feel good. There’s more to come and so taking care of my health and staying as clear as I can from negativity and responding appropriately are important to growth. It all takes practice and when I’m in doubt I take to the road to figure it all out.
Out of the blue of the road she came with a smile and glasses on her head. Just like the accident that through me into the street. I’m a writer and so I gave her my. book and she said she liked my style but that it needed some work.
At the moment enjoying a little break from the wind of graduate school. Cycling to work after being hit by a car and realizing once again to be in the moment and make something happen by hook or by crook. Teaching and student are still getting Covid 19 and sometimes you are the last to know. This is my situation for now but I’m optimistic like most people that all the problems will stop.
Getting feedback is a good feeling. Especially when you’re creative. You need another message from someone. That lets you know that you are still on the path. Well when she came out of the blue that was good sign. I told her that she approached me like a lot of women and I wondered what her motive was. She said she had no plan. Maybe that is a good thing. The best thing is that someone else read my novel and gave me an objective opinion other than my own. I also know that I have to keep cycling and when I get kicked off of my course I have to get back on it and keep on riding.
Like a lot of people I wanted the killing to stop. There seems to be this blood lust. There was no escaping it. All I can do sometimes it try to figure it out while I’m cycling through the streets that are getting increasingly fucked up more. Whoever takes over makes grand promises that we will all be happy and get our needs met once they get elected and all we get is more of the same.
Still I’m optimistic. Her smile was broad and put me at easy. I was a little standoffish but I needed someone to talk too. It felt like rowing a boat. It was a good feeling. I didn’t expect anything like I use too. Things were different now. Yet I was somehow always out of sink with what was happening and seemed too brush people the wrong way. In the end the novel may be all that exists.
I should write more but sometimes I crash into a wall. There are things drawing me away at the moment like dealing with bonking. Maybe I’m just trying too hard and also not preparing a proper diet for a long arduous ride. So, I’m trying to figure this all out and also this war In Ukraine and how immigration is so preferential.
This will take some time to figure out. In the meantime I try and do those rides and make sense of it all out on the road which is not always easy to do. It get’s complicated and lately the streets have been fun on a bicycle but also really strange because of all of the extreme driving and really it’s over driving — drama.
I’m always itching for new adventures and sometimes it’s the logistics and other times it’s something else so you try and find a balances and it words and then you reach that wall and then you have to got at it again. Just trying not forget all of the things I went through before this so that I can motivate my self to the next challenge. It’s hard enough surviving this pandemic and then to have war at your heels. It alls sounds like a bad novel or maybe this would be novel that Fyodor Dostoevsky would write.
Who will slap Putin? On this Spring Break I will edge towards survival and get back on my bike and search for parts unfamiliar in the city and beyond. It’s the one thing that keeps me whole and balanced but the other is writing. As human being we always have choices whatever situation we are in and if you are in a position to really do something for the benefit of our planet do it.
It was a recent goal to ride to the Laverne United Methodist Church that was used in the movie The Graduate. I plotted out a route on Google Maps and I took off. Following the Los Angeles River east as I rode through Compton, Glendora, San Dimas, Azusa, Covina, San Gabriel, Pasadena, El Sereno, Los Angeles and Carson.
It was great to look at the snow capped San Gabriel Mountains. The Rio Hondo Bike Path is great. It’s not so easy with a strong head wind but it allows you to keep a good pace. It gives you a possible glimpse of what a past Los Angeles might have looked like, less developed until you leave that vast ness and approach more urban landscapes. I saw men on horseback and another man riding his bicycle in the river. The rains washed sediment near the Whittier Narrows section but I made it through.
The path I was desperately trying to stay on it. The monsoon like rainstorm that descended upon Los Angeles put a cramp in my riding Maybe it was the break I needed. Pretty much most of what I do is ride my bike with a few exceptions. Filtering through all the crap on Instagram are gems of inspiration and art and more. Getting inspired by Groggins I have to, “stay hard,” though I have been so soft. Yet it gets me motivated and so I go outside and ride, even if I start late. It’s just important to do it and have a good time.
So, crossing all of those landscapes was a great feeling of freedom from all of the misinformation, commercialism, oppression and euphoria of modern life to somehow stay in touch with myself as much as possible. At home I realized that I had cracked my right foot, road cycling shoes. Those Shoes were the first cycling shoes I bought. It meant something but I just wasn’t sure what, but I knew that I had reached an important stage.
When I entered San Diego State I was in a program to help minority students get prerequisites done and get help getting use to college. It was in the summer and I was dating this girl I had met in the program. We were told by the program director, who was African American not to go see Mo Better Blues on campus, which was showing for free!
Having seen Do the Right Thing at the Chinese Theater in Hollywood, which was so packed I had to sit in the isle, I went anyway with my girlfriend. Some other female student ratted on us and we got caught. The director scolded me and I told him to, “go fuck yourself!” Then I walked to my room. It felt like the end. I started to pack my stuff. A lot of my cohorts thought it was fucked up.
Somehow I was able to make up and say I was sorry, keeping myself from being expelled from the program as well as my girlfriend who didn’t get kicked out either. We had to clean up some rank dishes in the kitchen but it felt like a triumphant moment anyway. But that’s how much it meant to me.
So going to see Spike at the Colburn Theater across from the Disney Hall, in downtown Los Angeles was great. I had to go because I wasn’t sure if I would ever have a chance to meeting either one of them at the same time in the same place. It was inspiring and cool and down to earth. I was also able to give each of them a copy of my novel and I got a pound from Spike.
The cool part was learning about the trials, tribulations and triumphs of two of the most important African American artists in the 20th and 21st Century. It seems to always be true that to succeed one has to take risks or else forever not know what is on the other side of the door of possibilities. Like Lee’s grandmother saving up social security checks so that he could have the opportunity to be educated twice, as an undergrad at Morehouse and as a film student at NYU. It likes there’s nothing we can’t do, if we strive hard enough and are willing to risk failure to satisfy our artistic goals. There has to be a family that supports those aspirations, something Spike made clear. He’s an institution, a marketer and creator of Cinema, a consummate artists. It costs money to make films and art and he will be the fist one to tell you. That’s what makes him such a great mentor. His directness and real politic expression of New York, African American life – the African American Experience as a whole.
It was fitting to walk up to the stage by hook or by crook and take a chance and hand him my art and for him to take it into his hands and look me in the eye. That’s all that I needed. It was like destiny. I know about taking risks. I’ve been doing it my whole life. A a lot of us have and we are the better for it creatively.
I haven’t written in a long time. I’ve bee studying for finals. This semester crushed me. It took something from me an exposed me. Well I don’t handle pressure so well. I had to make an experiment and it didn’t go to well. I’m learning on line and I don’t really like it though I had to do it also as teacher. I had a long term assignment teaching kindergarten and it ripped me apart because of all the ups and downs and successes and failures while trying to study linguistics, which is already difficult. There’s things I want to do with my MA Program but like a lot of students with dreams and desires I might not get to do them all and now I’m starting to face that reality. What I’m learning is great but I’m not satisfied with the process. I want more. So, a professor referred me to a real writer and hopefully we can meet and another mentorship will begin or not. Maybe I’ll be more educated but back where I started again with new challenges and more unanswered questions. I wanted to publish in the school literacy gallery but it’s rated G and my writing is rated R. My publisher said my second book is too misogynistic. I understand. But I want the freedom to write as an artist. I submitted my novel to other publishers that claim that they are cutting edge and they also said no so that leaves it up to me to find another way.
At the moment I feel better but at the same time I feel like I’m not out of the valley yet. I’m not over the mountain. I had to realize to that some people don’t see the past or the present the way that I do and I can’t go lifting up every rock to see what is underneath. That’s a little hard to except sometimes but sometimes you have to do it. There’s things that I had to purge. The experience was like having a good time at a party and then get sick and having to vomit. It’s painful but in the end you feel better. In the end it all comes down to riding away on my bicycle.
