Faux Pas Online

Life and Death

By fauxpas | August 9, 2010

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My grandfather is dying of cancer. There are so many things I can say. Now I look at him and he is like a baby. It’s funny how people create myths about themselves and then when you become older and hopefully wiser you realize what is fact and what is fiction.
We all have to die at some point but it’s what you do in between that is important. I have so much going on inside of my head now that my brain feels like a ripe melon.
Now he’s at home having resigned to die. About nine years ago he had radiation treatment to kill the cancer that had attacked him. A few weeks ago it had returned and reduced him to applesauce. I cried when I first saw him in the hospital. I was trying to hold back my tears and I had my sons with me and I was just happy to be in the U.S. so that they could see their great grandfather before he dies.
I think I’m ok now but I’m hurting inside. It’s crazy thinking about his life. He survived WWII and the Korean War and now he’s in the living room of his house and I had to help give him a bath.
Now he can only nod when he is hungry or in pain or if he has to go to the bathroom. I can’t imagine how much pain he is in. Just being able to scratch your back is now so important to him.
We pull shifts taking care of him. We’ve had arguments. I walked from the BART station to my grandparents house just to clear my head.
I live in Japan now and that is one of the most painful parts because I’ll probably be gone when he dies and well I also feel good because I’m here now and I can see him. I have to make the most of it. That is the most important point.

The strange part about life is that you spend some of your life in conflict with people and then you realize that it was all a waste of time because you could have been spending quality time with that person. We waste so much time in our lives bickering over trivial things when we could be living and enjoying ourselves.

Human beings are so selfish.

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