These are really challenging times and many of us have lost someone to the pandemic, or jobs or friends or worse. We are desperately trying to hold on to whatever we have and it can feel like an impossible task. But we have to keep going and not give up hope on our dreams and aspirations. If there is something you want to do, you have to go for it and trust yourself. Some people are so greedy and they’ll take it all, try and rewrite history as if you don’t remember what happened, tell you to watch out for someone but they also have a knife and none of it is real and so you have to jump out of a window just to escape all of the turmoil and anguish. When you do, you feel free and it’s probably better to not look back but just know that’s not what you want. I’m not hiding but if I’m not included well then good, maybe it’s not for me, it seems at this stage everyone is entrenched and self centered in their meta verse and well I have to create my own. At times people sometimes misinterpret our intentions but maybe they weren’t clear enough but sometimes the reactions tell us that maybe it was better not lifting up the rock to see what was underneath but I’m not hiding and well I’ll just leave it alone and let it all go out the window. I don’t want to be set up and definitely not let down.
Right now it feels good to be back in Japan and with my family. I upgraded my commuter bike to a road bike but it’s the rainy season and so I haven’t been able to do much cycling. When I did, it was a dream, especially after having my bike overhauled.
I’m a person that is often attached to things. It has taken me a long time to let go of things but like we all have been told, heard or read it’s important. The novel I self published was a part of that process. It’s good to be persistent but sometimes we can get lost. I try hard with people but the response says it all. If it’s good then great, if it’s not then it’s time to respect the boundaries and leave it alone. It has taken me a long time to realize this but it’s something I had to do. Having good communication is important and then you can get the cooperation you need. Another lesson learned is not being attached or expecting some sort of outcome but just being present when dealing with the situations. All of these things take practice like when you meditate.
I have a second novel that I’m trying to publish but it’s going slow but in the mean time I have to keep writing. With one more semester of school to go I’m excited at the possibilities of a career change and more.
Cycling has helped me gain a new confidence, make new friends and see the world in a more intimate way. I had to distance myself from people in order to see more clearly because the respect I was expecting wasn’t there or maybe I was too tolerant of their transgressions. From a distance I understood that some people are running away from something and others towards something, while some are just getting lost.
At the moment things are good. I have what I need but now what I want. That takes hard work and so I put in the time and practice to make the necessary improvements and move forward with life. With all of the breakdowns have come some profound breakthroughs and though it was painful I feel now that it created me a lot of opportunities. I can’t chase people anymore and I know my value and so I feel more secure in my purpose of life. There is still a long way to go on this journey but I feel good. There’s more to come and so taking care of my health and staying as clear as I can from negativity and responding appropriately are important to growth. It all takes practice and when I’m in doubt I take to the road to figure it all out.