I haven’t written in a long time. I’ve bee studying for finals. This semester crushed me. It took something from me an exposed me. Well I don’t handle pressure so well. I had to make an experiment and it didn’t go to well. I’m learning on line and I don’t really like it though I had to do it also as teacher. I had a long term assignment teaching kindergarten and it ripped me apart because of all the ups and downs and successes and failures while trying to study linguistics, which is already difficult. There’s things I want to do with my MA Program but like a lot of students with dreams and desires I might not get to do them all and now I’m starting to face that reality. What I’m learning is great but I’m not satisfied with the process. I want more. So, a professor referred me to a real writer and hopefully we can meet and another mentorship will begin or not. Maybe I’ll be more educated but back where I started again with new challenges and more unanswered questions. I wanted to publish in the school literacy gallery but it’s rated G and my writing is rated R. My publisher said my second book is too misogynistic. I understand. But I want the freedom to write as an artist. I submitted my novel to other publishers that claim that they are cutting edge and they also said no so that leaves it up to me to find another way.
At the moment I feel better but at the same time I feel like I’m not out of the valley yet. I’m not over the mountain. I had to realize to that some people don’t see the past or the present the way that I do and I can’t go lifting up every rock to see what is underneath. That’s a little hard to except sometimes but sometimes you have to do it. There’s things that I had to purge. The experience was like having a good time at a party and then get sick and having to vomit. It’s painful but in the end you feel better. In the end it all comes down to riding away on my bicycle.