At some point I stopped writing but several people that I know now have published books, newspaper articles or something else. It seems that everytime I came out of the ocean somebody I know or am acquainted had published something substantial but me. So, I’m wondering what happened to me?
There was a time when all I wanted to be was a famous writer and I wrote all the time, even keeping a diary and I was very disciplined. I was writing all the time. I started a novel and finally finished it but I couldn’t get published because I didn’t have an agent. I wrote another novel and it was the same scenario. I never stopped writing poetry and I have several hundred poems that I have written in notebooks and on various sheets of paper. Then for some reason I just got dried up on the beach. Now that I am living in Japan I still write poetry and I have written a short story and left other incomplete but it’s not the same.
What can I do?
I thought about just copywriting my stories and then just posting them here online for people to read. I wouldn’t make any money but maybe somebody would take the time to read what I had written. The other option is self publishing but since I just spent several thousand yen building a new road bike it will have to wait until my money is not funny.
My wife has been egging me on to write for some publication be it magazine or something else. Excited about her suggestions I saw several adds for writers in some well known publications here in Japan but I just never pursued it. I just stopped or got sidetracked. Maybe I’m just addicted to social media and so busy watching other people take selfies or other forms of self absorbed activities that I’m not into myself enough. There is a another reality too, my life has changed a great deal from those days. I have a family and I’m working all the time and so when I do have some free time I want to relax and play with my kids or vegetate but who doesn’t have these responsibilities! So, I can’t really use that as an excuse and it must be that I lost my motivation and my ambition because my idealistic dream of how I wanted it to all be didn’t materialize and so I moved onto other things, like making electronic music and cycling.
Recently, after talking with my mother she mentioned an opinion piece my friend had written in the Los Angeles Times. I explained to my mother that in college while working on our school newspaper together we were friends but also rivals, he got the scholarship, apprenticeship to the Los Angeles Times and I went to the LA Weekly. What really made me feel like a seal in an aquarium was seeing that an acquaintance had published an article in the Japan Times. I found out because he talked about it on Facebook. I didn’t know he was a writer and I don’t think I will read his book because of the subject matter.
Now I feel like a sardine. I feel like somebodies lunch. My mother did encourage me to write, not fiction but about something real which is what I never really did before because I was motivated to write fiction. It’s what I wanted to do. There was a vision I had to write the great American novel. I did it for myself but it’s stuck on my computers hard drive getting fossilized. At some point, what I feel will come out and I will get published but I just have to get it out like when you feel you have to vomit and then the words will come to me like some dream. At least I hope it happens that way. Don’t bang on the glass. Thank you!