R.I.P Ryuichi Sakamoto
Getting dissed is hard but it might make you harder and more resilient and well some people look like they have changed but it’s just modifications. Black culture is weaponized against us but constantly emulated and industrialized beyond recognition but what’s really important before color constructs is being a human being because that’s what I see first before people try and put me in a box and then try to kick it over to see what will happen. Maybe someone is living in it. Anyway this all might sound jaded but I’m not at least maybe for now. I feel good. I’m woke, which really means to be conscious. It comes from African American Language and it’s not a threat but to those that don’t understand Black culture, they fear what they don’t know.
Right now I’m battling a cold from hell. Went for a ride around Los Angeles to look at all of the beauty and dysfunction. Everyone is talking about homelessness but it’s really about poverty. People are driving too fast but the news just shows the high lights of someones accident.
After getting dissed so many times you get calluses like Groggins talks about.
Nobody calls anymore and maybe because I have self esteem and I can’t be manipulated for the time being. Riding a bicycle is freedom and I can’t change anyone. Some women think when you say hello you want sex but when they smile and talk to you how do I know that’s not what they want? I’m just trying to be friendly. Looking people up after a long time is not always a good idea because of all the baggage they might have accumulated. I feel better than I ever have in my life but there’s no going back to the past. Like they say there is only now. Well I tried and yeah maybe I was writing to the wrong people. So I apologize for just rambling. What was once hot can turn cold so fast.
Yeah, I should write more and well graduate school is a massive undertaking like trying to raise a family. Less seems to be more but it cost to live. Words have limits but they’re important. How can I reach people and transcend this void I’m in? Los Angeles where people drive crazy behind tinted windows seeking negative attention because we can’t communicate behind steel, plastic and glass. Drama seems to matter more than reality. I thought when marijuana became legal people would relax but it really starts from the inside and not the outside.
I still care and I know that a lot of people do and they’re doing something or attempting to do something about all of the problems in the world. Yeah, again slow down, what’s the hurry and after the accidents make the news they don’t give that simple message that people are driving too fast and killing people. It’s about how poor we have become and that’s why there are so many people on the streets and homelessness. Why don’t we build apartments that people can own? It’s a property-owner-developer-paradise and look how much we have forgotten since 2008. People have so much and then terrorize you as if you going to take from them something you don’t want but what you really want is respect.
I won’t give up though. Just trying to put into words all these things on my mind that I feel and see. It can be overwhelming. Gong for a ride can pull it all together and then I can figure things out. At least that is always the intention. It seems the cycling is the one constants that makes me feel whole besides my family. We are spread out across the world but we somehow make it work. Like a lot of families we are dispersed but the love is there and you do what has to be done to make ends meet.
I’ll keep riding my bicycle and writing. And well I looked someone up but they had so many issued and I wasn’t looking to get laid but it seemed kinds of symbolic of everything else that is going on. I got issues too but it never hurts to ask. I’m just curious but I learned my lesson. Social media is self promotion sometimes and if it’s socializing well it’s not working for some of us. It’s way overdone. I guess I expected too much from it like a lot of things. Sometimes I still do.
We can’t live in a society based on white fear anymore than we can live in a society based on black fear. We have to love each other though it has limits? Where is the compassion? It’s going to be ok I keep telling myself and some stories never get published but that doesn’t mean that they weren’t important. Getting dissed might be the one thing that lets you see what you couldn’t see because all the flattery made it so easy to hide behind intentions that blew away like sand on the beach. It might make you want to give up .
Don’t give up! There’s hope and you have to believe it will get better. Until I can figure it out I’ll keep cycling until I find a possible answer to all of this shit.