I have to train more. But it’s good to get out and ride anywhere and connect with the environment. Every time you learn something about yourself. It’s intimate and gets you out of your head but somehow you work everything out in some sort of funky way. That’s what happens for me. A lot of people talk about it but it feels good.
At this stage being able to explore the city like new, feels great. Graduate school is a long process but rewarding, why else make the sacrifices, for anything that matters to you for that matter. So you go for it. Anyway I have a sense of vindication right now and I’m going to ride with it While I can.
Out in the city or nature it feels good when you get a response.
“You’re so brave!” She said when she saw me trying go ride my road bile down a dirt train in the Hollywood Hills. “Do you do this all the time?” She asked with the dog and probably her boyfriend there. But women are bold and can make you jealous.
“When I can!” I answered. She was beautiful but it was great just to interact with a beautiful woman. She wasn’t the last woman to comment or gesture while I’ve been cycling and I’ve learned to appreciate those simple things more with age.
The freedom of cycling, for me it’s a lifesaver. It’s part of my nutrition and my sustenance. I can’t live without it. It’s not always fun or easy. It can be frustrating but it makes me feel good and there’s not a lot in the world that can always make you feel that way. It’s spiritual and divine as well.
Cyclist are a rare breed. It’s in our missions and gestures and actions. It’s not always pleasant but it’s a community that has its own gravity and satellites. It’s a network. What appears like solitude is communal. It’s a way of life and a craft. A type of free range.
Getting dissed is hard but it might make you harder and more resilient and well some people look like they have changed but it’s just modifications. Black culture is weaponized against us but constantly emulated and industrialized beyond recognition but what’s really important before color constructs is being a human being because that’s what I see first before people try and put me in a box and then try to kick it over to see what will happen. Maybe someone is living in it. Anyway this all might sound jaded but I’m not at least maybe for now. I feel good. I’m woke, which really means to be conscious. It comes from African American Language and it’s not a threat but to those that don’t understand Black culture, they fear what they don’t know.
Right now I’m battling a cold from hell. Went for a ride around Los Angeles to look at all of the beauty and dysfunction. Everyone is talking about homelessness but it’s really about poverty. People are driving too fast but the news just shows the high lights of someones accident.
After getting dissed so many times you get calluses like Groggins talks about.
Nobody calls anymore and maybe because I have self esteem and I can’t be manipulated for the time being. Riding a bicycle is freedom and I can’t change anyone. Some women think when you say hello you want sex but when they smile and talk to you how do I know that’s not what they want? I’m just trying to be friendly. Looking people up after a long time is not always a good idea because of all the baggage they might have accumulated. I feel better than I ever have in my life but there’s no going back to the past. Like they say there is only now. Well I tried and yeah maybe I was writing to the wrong people. So I apologize for just rambling. What was once hot can turn cold so fast.
Yeah, I should write more and well graduate school is a massive undertaking like trying to raise a family. Less seems to be more but it cost to live. Words have limits but they’re important. How can I reach people and transcend this void I’m in? Los Angeles where people drive crazy behind tinted windows seeking negative attention because we can’t communicate behind steel, plastic and glass. Drama seems to matter more than reality. I thought when marijuana became legal people would relax but it really starts from the inside and not the outside.
I still care and I know that a lot of people do and they’re doing something or attempting to do something about all of the problems in the world. Yeah, again slow down, what’s the hurry and after the accidents make the news they don’t give that simple message that people are driving too fast and killing people. It’s about how poor we have become and that’s why there are so many people on the streets and homelessness. Why don’t we build apartments that people can own? It’s a property-owner-developer-paradise and look how much we have forgotten since 2008. People have so much and then terrorize you as if you going to take from them something you don’t want but what you really want is respect.
I won’t give up though. Just trying to put into words all these things on my mind that I feel and see. It can be overwhelming. Gong for a ride can pull it all together and then I can figure things out. At least that is always the intention. It seems the cycling is the one constants that makes me feel whole besides my family. We are spread out across the world but we somehow make it work. Like a lot of families we are dispersed but the love is there and you do what has to be done to make ends meet.
I’ll keep riding my bicycle and writing. And well I looked someone up but they had so many issued and I wasn’t looking to get laid but it seemed kinds of symbolic of everything else that is going on. I got issues too but it never hurts to ask. I’m just curious but I learned my lesson. Social media is self promotion sometimes and if it’s socializing well it’s not working for some of us. It’s way overdone. I guess I expected too much from it like a lot of things. Sometimes I still do.
We can’t live in a society based on white fear anymore than we can live in a society based on black fear. We have to love each other though it has limits? Where is the compassion? It’s going to be ok I keep telling myself and some stories never get published but that doesn’t mean that they weren’t important. Getting dissed might be the one thing that lets you see what you couldn’t see because all the flattery made it so easy to hide behind intentions that blew away like sand on the beach. It might make you want to give up .
Don’t give up! There’s hope and you have to believe it will get better. Until I can figure it out I’ll keep cycling until I find a possible answer to all of this shit.
I love De La Soul’s music. It struck a nerve with me. For a young African American kid living in working class, middle class and Black and White spaces it was refreshing. It had a resonance and sense of humor that I could relate to though I’m from the West Coast ,San Francisco Bay Area. White kids listed to it too. It was like a siren that I yielded too. Pot Holes In My Lawn reminds of the time a girl, my next door neighbor got locked out of her house. I had given her a soda. The next day I was playing Pot Holes In My Lawn through the tv and stereo my dad hooked up and it was loud and when I looked out the window I could see the neighbor and another girl dancing like girls the video. It looked cool. I smiled. I can’t remember what happened to her. but I remember what happened to me. An era of Black life that most still don’t understand or know even exists – another dimension.
Their early music was cool, funny and direct in that it made me think about the importance of maintaining oneself. To strive, which is what I felt from all the rap music I listened to or sometimes taped off of KPOO in Oakland late at night, onto a cassette and I felt like I had found King Tuts Tomb. It was exciting and daring and new and unlike anything else that had existed about what I knew and I thought I knew about music. Hip Hop Culture provided that vehicle that I could journey in. There was something innocent yet bold about it and we gravitated to it like our bicycles that gave us freedom.
Transmitting Live From Mars, I could listen to it all day. It was funky and playful and kept our lives in heavy rotation like Me Myself and I. It made us feel confident and bold and united as Black People to see ourselves in the video in the artists we liked and the messages that made us dream and connect in our own language.
Ghetto Thang grew on me late. Take It Off was funny. We wanted more and they gave it to us. The collaborations with Leaders of The New School, Queen Latifa, Money Love, Jungle Brothers, Tribe Called Quest – they were the Native Tongues we could all relate to. It was dope and so was the style and the sampling made the music go. The sample era ushered them in and us into a new technological age.
Prince Paul was one piece of the puzzle to the trio but it was part of a Hip Hop cultural movement that needed a voice to an emerging culture that at the time was still mostly misunderstood by mainstream music – those outside the culture. it’s crazy to see people buying and collecting records and flashing them on Instagram while some of us have been in the know for years but that what’s it’s about – awareness. Black music has messages in it, they vary like in any other genre of music. Some of them are entertaining and some of them are meant to sting or bring us joy. With todays technology image seems to be more important than content.
Three Feet High and Rising, Balloon Mind State, AOI Bionics, The Grind Date and many other albums kept us entertained over the years. Some albums were hits and others were misses, there was also in the early days getting their stage act together, but those are struggles a successes all artists face. It was great to see them live, even with my sister, we were in heaven! They laid the ground work for many artist to follow in their path to take chances and to be themselves.
Ring Ring Ring (Ha Ha Ha Hey) I got it. The highs and lows of fame and the hawkers. Stakes is High was a come back album to me and the opening question about where were you when you first heard criminal minded was dialectical. The Business, Supa Emcees and Itzoweezee are classics in my mind. It’s just funny how my ear doesn’t match the critics but then again what were they looking for and did De La even care.
De La Soul wanted to entertain us as well as inform us about Black life and Black culture and how to stay on the path of Hip Hop and Rap to keep the culture progressive as well as creative. Years of litigation over sampling and masters didn’t hamper their creativity and longevity. They brought hip hop to where they were appreciated. Trugoy / Plug was a part of that legacy. I don’t know what I would have done without hearing De La Soul, or other rap artists I admire. At times Rap kept me sane in a world that always seems bi-polar. The stakes are still high!
It’s good to be on the ground after 8 hours of turbulence. Japan was great and I met with my cycling friends and we explored Chiba Prefecture by bicycle. It was an adventure but one that was well worth the trouble and cold.
I don’t get to ride with those friends often and so when we do it’s fun and we have to go all out. I have to train more that’s for sure because they were ready. I had too big a crank but I made up for it when I could. The tunnel we sought were great and work the effort to find.
Family had brought me home and it also felt good and I could sense a new change in all of us but I had to write too. Sometimes you need a break and to rebuild bonds with those people that are the most close to you and it felt good.
Now that I’m home it’s like I have been traveling through time but I’m making the most of it. It’s all I can do. With this new mature is a new form of understanding that comes from surviving and living up to this point. I appreciate what I have though there is always more promising myself to make the most of the moment. If I don’t then that’s it. I should know now. We all should if we care. As always I want peace. I want any sort of brutality to end and obviously we have a ways to go.
What’s next? I don’t really know. It was tough past year. I got hit by a car but I survived for that I’m grateful. I went back to church to build my faith. On the road when cycling you think about a lot of things you could have and would have done but cycling always keeps you in the moment and so you keep on going. I left one job but fell into another. I got a fellowship for linguistics research but nothing comes easy but again I’m grateful to be alive and have the opportunity. We get a lot of them but are ever prepared when they arrive. It’s different this time around and things do move in circular orbit and when they return what will you do? How will you respond? I’ve gotten better at it but I still have a long way to go. The lesson to be learned is to make the most of the moment with the people that matter most to you. Like now back in Japan for years and we’ve all grown and made a lot of progress and again opportunities have presented themselves. I can’t complain. Some people don’t have shit. I. could have zero, so I have to make the most of what I have and not what I want. But it never hursts to ask and sometimes I do and maybe I should ask more. Something don’t change but we always can and we have to learn to treat ourselves better and some of us already know that but I had to learn to do it and I feel I’m all the better for it.
I haven’t been writing as much as I should. Some of that was just do to the graduate school which is a huge responsibility as well as a huge challenge. But I’m in good hands and mentorship. It wasn’t always so but I have to worry about what is in front of me and I feel better. Cycling changed my life and I really appreciate all of the help and people I’ve met in the whole process. Some people will never understand but all I can say is that I tired and some will try and make you feel bad about trying but then well they are what they are and now I can say happily that I can see better. It feel great!
It was an awesome trip. I reconnected with my family and my past. Which is sometimes a matter of perspective but I gave it my best, but in the end if it matters it will happen if not then you just keep going but I tried. I’m not hiding and if people want to find me they can and in this era if someone really doesn’t want to communicate with you then you know it. Yet, you have to listen to people and respect their boundaries as much as you need to protect your own.
When things get tough I figure it all out on a bike ride. Which brought me to all of these realizations about what to do with all these feeling and whatever they maybe called. In the end we have to decide what to make of your memories and then there is now. On a bike there is now, and you have to be in the moment. Which is good things for me because of my need to analyze things so much.
These are tough times and with a world that seems to be going crazy all the time, you have to work hard on yourself so you can be sane but also help others. My spirituality is important too and that’s been a game changer. We all need someone to talk to but also we have to have positive conversations with ourselves. Lately I’ve been thinking about how I published my book. I feel good about it but honestly it was rushed and I need a reprint but I completed another novel and it’s been a struggle to get it published. I have more than novels but it’s just a heavy weight but I’m committed like I am to cycling. I have to keep going. So many things give me inspiration and I’m grateful. While I’m alive I have to do what I can. Do what I was destined to do. If I don’t believe in it nobody else will and also ride my bike.
I have no doubt that cycling has changed my life. It has filled a gap that existed in may heart for a long time. The sense of freedom and independence that I feel inside. It have to be free and cycling fills the need.
Great cycling rides can be found in Tochigi Prefecture, Japan A friend whom call my bicycle Jedi organized a hill climb. Lately I hadn’t been cycling and so I felt out of shape. When I had first arrived in Japan for the summer I had been shredding hard. The weather was hot and humid and rainy and I was also having my families bikes overhauled because all of their bicycles were being overhauled.
While we had down time we played hard in the ocean. I started off strong on the Arakawa river and felt new challenges from the time trial riders going so fast. But I put on my own speed and did what I could. It’s important for me to ride as much as I can, like a lot of cyclist know they should. Getting up extra early would have helped but I didn’t do that except maybe twice. Sometimes that’s what it takes.
Nikko is a beautiful area of Japan, complete with amazing lakes and forests. It’s one of the best natural parts of Japan. For cyclists it’s a climbers paradise. There are so many hairpin turns and switchback, I thought I would never make it up the mountain.
So, back on the climbing it was hard plus my road bike has a big crank 54-39 and an 11-28 cassette on the rear. I had some trouble shifting half way up and all the heat and humidity tore me apart. Also, I realized needed more fuel. It was combination of things. So, I saw my friends fly up the hill. They were like rabbits and I was like a turtle.
On the descent I was relentless, passing car that felt was in the way, as I took the hairpin switch back turns as fast as I could. It was exhilarating and exciting and my friend was taking his time filming part of it.
In the middles some good traditional Japanese food. Originally we were we were looking for Nikko Coffee but it was closed.
These are really challenging times and many of us have lost someone to the pandemic, or jobs or friends or worse. We are desperately trying to hold on to whatever we have and it can feel like an impossible task. But we have to keep going and not give up hope on our dreams and aspirations. If there is something you want to do, you have to go for it and trust yourself. Some people are so greedy and they’ll take it all, try and rewrite history as if you don’t remember what happened, tell you to watch out for someone but they also have a knife and none of it is real and so you have to jump out of a window just to escape all of the turmoil and anguish. When you do, you feel free and it’s probably better to not look back but just know that’s not what you want. I’m not hiding but if I’m not included well then good, maybe it’s not for me, it seems at this stage everyone is entrenched and self centered in their meta verse and well I have to create my own. At times people sometimes misinterpret our intentions but maybe they weren’t clear enough but sometimes the reactions tell us that maybe it was better not lifting up the rock to see what was underneath but I’m not hiding and well I’ll just leave it alone and let it all go out the window. I don’t want to be set up and definitely not let down.
Right now it feels good to be back in Japan and with my family. I upgraded my commuter bike to a road bike but it’s the rainy season and so I haven’t been able to do much cycling. When I did, it was a dream, especially after having my bike overhauled.
I’m a person that is often attached to things. It has taken me a long time to let go of things but like we all have been told, heard or read it’s important. The novel I self published was a part of that process. It’s good to be persistent but sometimes we can get lost. I try hard with people but the response says it all. If it’s good then great, if it’s not then it’s time to respect the boundaries and leave it alone. It has taken me a long time to realize this but it’s something I had to do. Having good communication is important and then you can get the cooperation you need. Another lesson learned is not being attached or expecting some sort of outcome but just being present when dealing with the situations. All of these things take practice like when you meditate.
I have a second novel that I’m trying to publish but it’s going slow but in the mean time I have to keep writing. With one more semester of school to go I’m excited at the possibilities of a career change and more.
Cycling has helped me gain a new confidence, make new friends and see the world in a more intimate way. I had to distance myself from people in order to see more clearly because the respect I was expecting wasn’t there or maybe I was too tolerant of their transgressions. From a distance I understood that some people are running away from something and others towards something, while some are just getting lost.
At the moment things are good. I have what I need but now what I want. That takes hard work and so I put in the time and practice to make the necessary improvements and move forward with life. With all of the breakdowns have come some profound breakthroughs and though it was painful I feel now that it created me a lot of opportunities. I can’t chase people anymore and I know my value and so I feel more secure in my purpose of life. There is still a long way to go on this journey but I feel good. There’s more to come and so taking care of my health and staying as clear as I can from negativity and responding appropriately are important to growth. It all takes practice and when I’m in doubt I take to the road to figure it all out.
Out of the blue of the road she came with a smile and glasses on her head. Just like the accident that through me into the street. I’m a writer and so I gave her my. book and she said she liked my style but that it needed some work.
At the moment enjoying a little break from the wind of graduate school. Cycling to work after being hit by a car and realizing once again to be in the moment and make something happen by hook or by crook. Teaching and student are still getting Covid 19 and sometimes you are the last to know. This is my situation for now but I’m optimistic like most people that all the problems will stop.
Getting feedback is a good feeling. Especially when you’re creative. You need another message from someone. That lets you know that you are still on the path. Well when she came out of the blue that was good sign. I told her that she approached me like a lot of women and I wondered what her motive was. She said she had no plan. Maybe that is a good thing. The best thing is that someone else read my novel and gave me an objective opinion other than my own. I also know that I have to keep cycling and when I get kicked off of my course I have to get back on it and keep on riding.
Like a lot of people I wanted the killing to stop. There seems to be this blood lust. There was no escaping it. All I can do sometimes it try to figure it out while I’m cycling through the streets that are getting increasingly fucked up more. Whoever takes over makes grand promises that we will all be happy and get our needs met once they get elected and all we get is more of the same.
Still I’m optimistic. Her smile was broad and put me at easy. I was a little standoffish but I needed someone to talk too. It felt like rowing a boat. It was a good feeling. I didn’t expect anything like I use too. Things were different now. Yet I was somehow always out of sink with what was happening and seemed too brush people the wrong way. In the end the novel may be all that exists.
I should write more but sometimes I crash into a wall. There are things drawing me away at the moment like dealing with bonking. Maybe I’m just trying too hard and also not preparing a proper diet for a long arduous ride. So, I’m trying to figure this all out and also this war In Ukraine and how immigration is so preferential.
This will take some time to figure out. In the meantime I try and do those rides and make sense of it all out on the road which is not always easy to do. It get’s complicated and lately the streets have been fun on a bicycle but also really strange because of all of the extreme driving and really it’s over driving — drama.
I’m always itching for new adventures and sometimes it’s the logistics and other times it’s something else so you try and find a balances and it words and then you reach that wall and then you have to got at it again. Just trying not forget all of the things I went through before this so that I can motivate my self to the next challenge. It’s hard enough surviving this pandemic and then to have war at your heels. It alls sounds like a bad novel or maybe this would be novel that Fyodor Dostoevsky would write.
Who will slap Putin? On this Spring Break I will edge towards survival and get back on my bike and search for parts unfamiliar in the city and beyond. It’s the one thing that keeps me whole and balanced but the other is writing. As human being we always have choices whatever situation we are in and if you are in a position to really do something for the benefit of our planet do it.
